When I first received the news that we might have to move to Ireland all I could think about was being away from my mum. She was the main reason for me being able to leave. I hated to leave my in-laws more than leaving my own family. They helped me get through the move more than my own family did, without them everything would've been so much harder. Both them and my dad made this much needed change possible and we will be forever grateful.
We've been here for seven months now and sometimes it still feels like a vacation to me. But I'm so happy to know we never have to go back to that dreadful country. At least not because we have to and not to stay.
My mum came back for Caitlyn's birthday, as she did for Arwens. Last time was dreadful and I was so not looking forward to her being back. But there was an upside, school would be out so the kids would take up all her attention. I could go about my business without her getting in the way of my schedule. The one trip we made to Galway was filled with watching the kids and me hiding behind my camera. I didn't want to have to make conversation, she wouldn't listen anyway, so I took pictures in order to be distracted and excused. I hated being around her, felt ashamed to be seen with her. She's not even 60 yet and she walks around as if she's 80, with the face of a bulldog. She has no manners and only thinks of herself. She spins the truth in a way it will benefit her. I treated her like I would a stranger, although I would probably talk more to a stranger. She didn't even notice how distant I was, thought everything went smooth and well.
The first night she arrived she talked about herself, my youngest brother and her neighbors, she has no real life of her own so she has to talk about that of others. She doesn't even know that Dirk now had another function within the same company, she took no interest in us. She had taken her medication, in order to be able to sleep and within a few minutes it was like talking to a drunken pirate. She couldn't walk without having to stop in order to regain her balance and continue going from one couch to the other. At one point she came and set beside me in order to show me some pictures on her phone.
Before I continue you have to know that I still didn't know what exactly she told my siblings for them to all block me on social media and basically remove us from their lives. I had made the decision that while she was here I would try to find out, one way or another.
So when she sat beside me she unlocked her phone and I got a plain view of her pin code. Made a note of it and knew I would be presented with the right time to find everything out during her stay. And I was right, the next day she went to take a nap and left her phone behind. I know darn well that it's an invasion of privacy but I wouldn't have to do so if she would've just been honest with me. I opened her Facebook chat and went all the way back to February/March when she came last time. Finally I saw it all, all the lies and stories she made up to portray herself as the helpless victim. She told them I didn't feed her, that she only got tap water and we barely talked. She failed to mention to them that she told us she would be buying her own food and didn't eat that much anyway. She didn't tell them that she didn't want anything else than tap water and we almost had to force her to eat our food. She didn't tell them that every time I did try to have a conversation she just didn't listen and I gave up. She didn't mention how she came in a school weak and disrupted our whole schedule with her presence. She made me sound worse than every fairy tale villain. It's actually no wonder they blocked me. But what hurt the most, to me, was that they all just believed her without a doubt. She told them she would never come back, but sadly she did. I made screen shots off the entire conversations and sent them to myself and deleted all the evidence on her phone. After that I put on a show for the rest of the week, making sure she wouldn't be able to say anything negative about her stay this time.
I decided almost straight away that I would write them all an email to confront them with the truth but wait a week in order to give myself time to put it all into words. I knew that they probably wouldn't even bother to read it, let alone react to it. But I wanted the truth to be told, for me, not for them. I had nothing more to lose so I had no reason to lie. I confronted them with everything they said and what hypocrites they were. At one point my brother told my mom I was obsessed with taking pictures and social media, so basically a narcissist. It showed once again how they don't know me at all. If they haven't realized by now that photography is my hobby and social media is the only way I know to get my work out there, than really why bother keeping them in my life? All of them have used my pictures as profile pictures at one point, but no, I'm just self-absorbed.... They had someone with a much better camera than mine at their wedding, yet my pictures were the ones they used. And he still had the audacity to say such things?! Well, there's nothing more I could say except GOOD RIDDANCE!!
Since the mail they've accused me of even more. Mummy dearest was trying her hardest to find the spy in their lives because how else could I know it all? She once again became the toxic snake I always knew she was, calling me pathetic and crazy. She believed I found a way to hack her phone when she basically gave me a way in during her drugged state of mind. She will talk crap about me for it, telling everyone that will listen that I invaded her privacy and took advantage of her trust in me. She probably doesn't know that she lost my trust seven years ago and that since then all she got was a performance from me every time we got together. I stopped sharing stuff and sometimes just told lies in order to see how far they would reach. I stopped caring about my mum the moment she lied to us about our daughter. But of course we will be the crazy ones holding grudges for so long. But what does she expect when she never apologizes, for anything!
She has told me one last time that I'm crazy and in need of professional help. It's her go-to insult and I've grown tired of it. I'm shutting the door and locking it for the rest of my life. I don't want her in this house ever again. I feel very conflicted about taking away a grandmother from my daughters, but she is the worst role model they could have anyway. I'm not sure I can stop them from talking to her when they ask for it, but I sure as hell won't encourage it in any way. From now on the only family we need are my in-laws and my fathers' family. I look forward to spending more time with them and enjoying the fact that they take a genuine interest in us.
And mom, if you ever get to read this: I'm not sorry, you brought this on yourself. Goodbye.
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